fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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