Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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