My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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