47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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