I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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