I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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