it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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