when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
