Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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