Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Randomize
