I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize