I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
