i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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