I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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