You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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