Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
