How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
now i know why i became what i already was.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
