I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
