It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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