Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
