I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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