Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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