Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
one might say we're banned from that church
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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