my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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