My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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