I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
