WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
