don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
