Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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