Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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