so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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