Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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