his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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