I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
