I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
