I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.