In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
did i walk over a car last night?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.