i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown