you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.