Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?