You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.