oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness