you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.