I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
