What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
