Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
