stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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