We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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