she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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