have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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