What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
