I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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