Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
