i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
