FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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