And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Someone shit on the floor
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
