In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
