Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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