when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
