Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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