1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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