So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
