We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
