So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize