I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
