I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
