you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize