The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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