oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
