Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
