I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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