Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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