Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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