My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
50% drunk capacity currently
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why did my mother make you get naked?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
