bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
