: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
